Towards Parenthood: Preparing for the Changes and Challenges of a New Baby

Towards Parenthood has grown out of the work of the Parent - Infant Research Institute (PIRI), a not-for-profit organisation dedicated to improving the emotional well-being of parents and infants. This guidebook aims to assist parents manage the complex demands of parenting. An additional aim is to strengthen the couple relationship and the relationship between parents and infants. Skills in coping, problem-solving, enhancing self-esteem, assertive communication, bonding with your baby and understanding your baby's cues are presented in this book. The program has been extensively piloted with Australian families. Focus groups have been conducted and the program has been revised to incorporate their feedback. Overall, parents who were involved in the program told us they both enjoyed and gained from it.


Contents
Preface vii
Acknowledgements xi
About the authors xii
Chapter 1 Towards motherhood 1
Getting to know your baby—a growing experience 1
Tuning in to your baby 2
Common feelings for the ‘mother-to-be’ 3
The ‘inside story’—feelings after birth 4
Who nurtures you? 5
What do babies need? 6
Where did you learn to be a mother? 7
My family, myself 8
Identifying ‘what belongs where’ 10
Looking forward … learning and loving through play 11
Some things to think about in the last months of pregnancy 12
Chapter 2 Towards fatherhood 15
Beginnings and changes on the road towards fatherhood 15
The birth experience 16
Connecting with your baby 17
Where did you learn to be a father? 18
Your strengths 20
Looking forward … learning and loving through play 21
The stress of fatherhood! 22
Do ‘real men’ ask for help? Who nurtures dad? 23
Breastfeeding: not your problem! Or is it? 24
What have other new mums told us they want from their partners? 26
iv Contents
What men say about moving towards fatherhood … 26
Focus on mental health 27
Chapter 3 We’re expecting! Preparing for parenthood 31
Changing body, changing lives 31
Let’s take a closer look … 31
Parents’ expectations 34
Quiz—Get real! 36
Plan ahead to make life easier 37
Problem solving—what will you do when things get tough? 38
Every problem has a solution! 38
Being realistic 41
Chapter 4 Caring for yourself is caring for your baby 43
Self-care and stress 43
How do you cope? 44
Inherited coping strategies 44
My coping models 44
Self-care and stress busters 45
Life stress—how do you rate? 45
Life events 46
Common problems for new parents 50
Self-esteem 53
What are the advantages of high self-esteem? 54
How do you build your self-esteem? 54
Chapter 5 From lovers to parents: managing relationship changes 57
A closer look at how relationships work 58
Communication 58
What kind of parenting partnership do you want? 59
How you grew up! 61
Your parents’ relationship 62
Other influences 63
Assertiveness skills for new parents! 65
How assertive do you like to be? 65
How do you recognise assertiveness? 66
What’s your style? 67
Let’s practise! 69
Contents v
Intimacy 70
Little acts of kindness 72
Let’s be practical—who will do what? 73
Let’s swap jobs for a day! 76
Chapter 6 Keeping some balance in your life 79
The importance of balance 80
Identify your rewards! What makes you happy as a person? 80
Noticing how your activities can influence your mood 81
Beware the downward spiral 82
Addressing the balance: making order out of chaos 83
Coping with anxiety 85
Identifying your coping style 86
Are you a constructive coper? 87
Focus on mental health 88
Chapter 7 Healthy thinking, healthy self 91
How do you think? 91
The interaction between thoughts, feelings and behaviour 93
Sampling your thoughts 94
Other examples of thoughts 95
Changing negative thinking: avoid thinking traps! 95
Breaking free of your thinking traps 97
Let’s rehearse! Practising cognitive strategies 98
Using a thought diary 101
Chapter 8 Caring for your newborn baby 105
Understanding newborn babies 105
Sleeping like a baby 106
Sleeping tips for your newborn 107
Settling quiz 110
Cry, baby, cry … 111
Activity … 111
Why does my baby cry? 111
Tips to understand crying 112
Learning to listen to your baby 112
Play suggestions for young babies 113
Feeding your baby 114
vi Contents
Common breastfeeding problems 116
Bottle-feeding 119
What are your preferences? 120
Let’s have a ‘dress rehearsal’! 121
Chapter 9 Welcome to ‘The Club’! 125
For mum—accepting the birth 125
Nobody told me! Reality meets expectations … 127
Back to basics! Brainstorming problems 128
The six steps to problem solving 128
Who is this little stranger? Getting to know your baby 129
Growing together through play 130
What babies need 130
Coping with negative feelings 131
Check your ‘self-talk’ 132
A balancing act: your relationship and parenting partnership 133
What have you noticed in your relationship? 134
Taking action: what do you need to do to communicate? 135
Appendices 137
References 141
Further reading 143