Essential Survival Skills: A Post Apocalyptic Survival Guide for Beginners, and Scouts Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse

Of course you don’t know jack about shite! That's not surprising, you make a mockery of survival preparedness! You lack discipline!

Look at you, sitting there in your craft-matic adjustable foam mattress, twiddling your thumbs and shooting bad guys in your living room. You’re pathetic! You probably can’t even tie your own shoes CORRECTLY!

If I had to endure that kind of insufferable, parasitic existence amidst cans of Mountain Dew and night shifts at the craft store, I’d probably just swallow a bunch of nails and end it all…OR…

I’d buy this, the very best of Kindle survival books, and get the skillz I needs to survive!

Apocalypse Tuesday presents a survival guide for beginners; mixed in with some post apocalyptic survival fiction to teach you the skills you’ve always wanted. We’re talking disaster thrillers—thrills and skills your friends don’t know you have, but have wanted for years…

The skills that make you into a man of mystery (or woman, you patriarch), ready to prepare for emergencies—the likes of which even Dr. Seuss couldn’t nightmare!

This book contains disaster non fiction skills to help you prepare for emergencies, skills so you can stop PRETENDING to be a real person and actually turn you into a person worth cracking open a Cold One™ with! That’s my kind of guy! Zombie fallout and the like! BOO YA!

This is so much more than disaster fiction: this is the stuff that makes your crack-baby dreams come true!

Don’t take a taxi! Use the stars to navigate you and your friends home! Why use a hammer and nails when you can lash with Real Rope™! Learn to fight, eat, work, and survive in the REAL world.

What are you, incapable?! Prove them all wrong! 10 year reunion, baby!

The Apocalypse is coming—it might be this Tuesday, or maybe the next, either way, it’s a walking disaster waiting to happen!

So buy this book to get your hands out of your pants and start the survival dance!

Scouts Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse!