"The Sex Lives of Cannibals, Adrift in the Equatorial Pacific" by J. Maarten Troost

This book recounts the experiences of the author while he lived in Kiribati. A few names have been changed, either because the author, who is very bad with names, couldn’t remember what they were, or to protect their privacy. Also, since we’re disclaiming here, the author wishes to acknowledge that in a few incidents recounted herein, he has played a little fast and loose with the space-time continuum. He has done this for you, the reader.

The Sex Lives of Cannibals tells the hilarious story of what happens when Troost discovers that Tarawa is not the island paradise he dreamed of. Falling into one amusing misadventure after another, Troost struggles through relentless, stifling heat, a variety of deadly bacteria, polluted seas, toxic fish—all in a country where the only music to be heard for miles around is “La Macarena.” He and his stalwart girlfriend Sylvia spend the next two years battling incompetent government officials, alarmingly large critters, erratic electricity, and a paucity of food options (including the Great Beer Crisis); and contending with a bizarre cast of local characters, including “Half-Dead Fred” and the self-proclaimed Poet Laureate of Tarawa (a British drunkard who’s never written a poem in his life).

With The Sex Lives of Cannibals, Maarten Troost has delivered one of the most original, rip-roaringly funny travelogues in years—one that will leave you thankful for staples of American civilization such as coffee, regular showers, and tabloid news, and that will provide the ultimate vicarious adventure.

Contents
DISCLAIMER
CHAPTER 1 - In which the Author expresses some Dissatisfaction with the State of his Life
CHAPTER 2 - In which the Author reveals the Fruit of his Research into the Strange Island Nation he has declared his new Home
CHAPTER 3 - In which the Author and his aforementioned Beguiling Girlfriend depart the Continental
CHAPTER 4 - In which the Author finally sets foot on Distant Tarawa, where he is led by the Evil Kate
CHAPTER 5 - In which the Author suspends the Space-Time Continuum and just moves on, vaguely Theme-Like
CHAPTER 6 - In which the Author, in case Anyone was Wondering what exactly he was Doing on Tarawa
CHAPTER 7 - In which the Author settles into the theme of Absence, in particular the paucity of food options, and offers an account of the Great Beer Crisis
CHAPTER 8 - In which the Author continues with the theme of Absence, which will be a pervasive theme throughout this narrative
CHAPTER 9 - In which the Author seeks wisdom on the ways of Tarawa from Tiabo
CHAPTER 10 - In which the Author recounts the arrival of the I-Matang, who introduced Fair Trade
CHAPTER 11 - In which the Author tells the Strange Tale of the Poet Laureate of Kiribati
CHAPTER 12 - In which the Author discovers, while rolling in a swell, Sunburned and Stinging with Sea Lice
CHAPTER 13 - In which the Author discusses how unfuckingbelievably scary the South Seas can be
CHAPTER 14 - In which the Author explores the World of Dogs on Tarawa, particularly the world of his dogs
CHAPTER 15 - In which the Author describes the Behavior of Government Officials
CHAPTER 16 - In which the Author goes deep inside the mind of the Novelist and expounds
CHAPTER 17 - In which the Author flies Air Kiribati, Lives, Explores the island of Butaritari
CHAPTER 18 - In which the Author recounts the Battle of Tarawa, which is now forgotten in America
CHAPTER 19 - In which the Author begins to hear rumors of Lurid Happenings in Washington
CHAPTER 20 - In which the Author discusses the Foreign Aid Industry
CHAPTER 21 - In which the Author shares some thoughts on what it means to Dissipate
BIBLIOGRAPHY